Just imagine a rain cloud over my head as you read this.

Ok, it’s official, I am in some kind of weird funk.

I think it has a lot to do with my upcoming birthday, and Christmas.
Also the fact that I am lonely as fuck.
And probably also the whole, “knowing exactly where I want to be in life but finding it impossible to get there” thing.

There are things I need to talk about, but don’t have anyone to unload it all on.
My dog is a great listener, I just wish he would talk back.

I don’t know. I just hate December.


A List of Miss

I am the biggest Debbie Downer in the land today.

I miss my friends SO much.
I miss working.
I definitely miss my job in the lab.
I miss my girlfriend.
I miss not having to worry about money, which is the stupidest fucking thing.
I miss going to brunch on the weekends with the girls.
I miss taking photographs.
I miss warm weather, and sunshine, and blue skies.
I miss the ocean, and the smell of the ocean, and the peace it brought me.
I miss traveling.
I miss talking about movies.
I miss feeling like anything is possible.
I miss the peace of my own space.

I just had to put it out there.

9pm thoughts about not settling

Find someone who is just as weird as you are. Who won’t think you’re an idiot for making weird voices or narrating your life in song, and who can appreciate your love-bordering-on-obsession for one specific food.

Find someone who is kind. If you haven’t experienced kindness, you’ll recognize it instantly. It’s safe, and warm, and better than you could imagine.

Find someone who knows you. Who won’t let you off the hook when you tell them everything is fine, when in reality everything isn’t fine. You might be freaked out at first if they can tell you’re upset simply from a text message, but you’ll realize quickly this is so important.

And even more importantly, find someone you know. I mean, really know, beyond favorite colors and hobbies, and all things superficial. Someone who makes you realize knowing everything isn’t enough. Someone who finally teaches you in order for love to work, you must keep learning.

Find someone you want to grow with. Someone you want to raise children with, and go on dates with forever, and travel with, and eat with, and fill all of the empty boring spaces of life with.

My life was one big boring space for a long time, and a lot of someones couldn’t change that. Find the right someone. You’ll know them when they arrive; they’ll feel familiar, like your favorite sweatshirt, or going home. Keep them. Love them. And never stop telling them how grateful you are to have found them.